The Audition From Hell

Having held an audition before, I knew that less than half of the people that you book a time for will actually show up, so I compensated for fear of not having enough people.

And sweet balls, was I ever wrong.

Every single person showed up. All of them. It was just a huge flood of people.

Even a random homeless guy from the Venice area. I'm not joking.

We were trying our best to race through people but still give them a shot to really work when they were inside with us, but the mass of people grew and grew until I started freaking out. I apologized profusely to everybody, offered to take head shots and call people for a second day (which I had no intention of doing, but just to make them all feel better about leaving), and took no small amount of verbal abuse.

I recall at one point rushing Toshi through an audition when he said "Chris, it's not a big deal, let them wait." I made him come outside with me between the next person. Then he got it.

We ended up staying really late to get through everyone, but it all ended up working out. We got some great talent out of it, and even better, some amazing horror stories. Highlights include:

1) The strangest man in the world who was apparently read the script as some outlandish slapstick comedy

2) The really shy Asian girl who reluctantly handed us her nearly soft-core pornographic "head shot"

3) The woman who did drugs in the bathroom over and over and ended up having a breakdown in the middle of her audition

None of those are lies, and I have video proof of all of them.

Probably my favorite person that came in that I actually cast, however, was Robert Fleet

Robert, this is a lot of plug. You owe me.

He was auditioning to play the father of the character I would be playing, and not only does he look eerily like me (not so much in that photo I posted, but in real life it's startling), he acted a lot like me too. I'm fully convinced that time travel is invented about 30 years from now and I will come back in time to be in my own film.

WHEN DO I GET TO STOP MAKING THIS MOVIE?!?!?!

But beyond the things he couldn't help, like being my future self, the way he came in and presented himself was perfect. He had clearly read the whole script, discussed it, had questions and opinions (including one where he accused me of having an incredibly bleak view of the world), and inserted himself like he was one of us right away. Within about 20 seconds, there was no question that we were casting him.

So note to actors: be more like Robert and less like the whiny, pretentious douche bag that you actually are.